Life In The Middle

Do Kids Make Better Choices With Hovering Parents

School is back in full swing. The kids are getting back into the routine of homework. Their backpacks have probably already had their first scrapes and ink marks added to them. The leaves are starting to turn colors, and for us; this week we are experiencing “Indian Summer”. The last couple of days it has actually hit the 90's !

Over the weekend we went to the playground with the grand kids. It seemed that a lot of other families had the same idea. This gave me a chance to observe parents interacting with their children, as well as the other adults.

You can learn a lot about others by observing them. Some people are so self-absorbed they really don’t have time for their kids. Some are so protective of their little one, you’d think the birth cord had never been severed. The poor kid could be six, and still cries for Mommy to go up the slide with him. Rather sad isn’t it?

Some parents have their little ones decked out in the latest designer fashions. A three year old really doesn’t need a pair of fancy pink boots, and a designer dress, to play at the park. But it isn’t about the kid, it’s about the parents who would never be caught dressing their child in a sturdy Carter’s shirt, or Oshkosh overalls. Oh well.

Children seem to have a strong ability for finding happiness. Just as long as they can play and have fun, they can usually enjoy themselves, in spite of what their parents do.

It’s sad to observe these parents in action. They think they’re doing their kids a favor, but what is really happening is just the opposite. Kids need to learn how to solve their own problems. They need to develop skills to work together as a team, and learn how to settle a disagreement.

If Mom and Dad are continually hovering over children, they never learn how to function independently. This is just the opposite of what parents want for their kids. I have never encountered a parent who has said they want to keep their children under their guidance. Parents usually say they want their children to grow up and be independent. They want them to know how to make decisions. They want them to lead by their example. They want their children to be capable of handling the life experiences they encounter.

Your child has started another year of schooling. I suggest that the best thing you can do is stand aside, and let your children learn to problem solve, without you hovering over them every moment. You need to stand aside, and let them get a few bruises, and scraps during their life experiences. Realize that it’s not your life in the end , it’s theirs. Let them be the best that they can be. Don’t worry, along the way they will ask for your opinion, and then you can give it. Just don’t forget to step back. Just something to think about. Until later...Colleen

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Copyright 2009 Leland Pulley